i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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