Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
