You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
