i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
