Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
