i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
