its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
