i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
