3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
