I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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