i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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