i jhust puked up my retainher.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
