Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
