Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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