physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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