I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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