glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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