Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
