you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
