If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think my vagina is haunted
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
