How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
