Whatcha textin bout Willis?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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