the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
