tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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