then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
