guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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