I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
