Is it normal to miss your booty call?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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