I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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