i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
