She's JV to your varsity
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
