K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
