I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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