You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
