i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
