so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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