Just cropdusted the office
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
