I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
