Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
