How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
