You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
