girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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