If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize