i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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