I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
