Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
