I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You smell like stripper and shame
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
