Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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