White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
