Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
