His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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