I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
