Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
