I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
