Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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