Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize