She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
