My Higher Power is John Stamos
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
