I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
even my farts smell like vagina
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
