Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
