I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
