I want to walk on stilts...naked
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
