Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
