The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
