when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
