I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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