so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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