she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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