i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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