first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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