Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
