oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
