anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i believe in u and ur pee
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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