and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
jump out the window naked night went bad
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
