i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
